I know the New Year is largely overrated now and I am a big believer in not waiting for the ‘right’ time to do something. If I want to do something then I generally just do it and it has always been like that for me, but I don’t think anyone can deny that there is a certain magic that comes with a new year. The illusion of a fresh start can be just enough to give you the kick you need to get going and do the thing. I am going to be doing a whole post on my New Years Resolutions both bookish and non-bookish, so keep a look out for that on Tuesday, so for this post I wanted to take some time to reflect on 2018 and look forward to 2019. I know this post has gone up at a strange time and that I don’t usually post on Monday’s, but I wanted to put it up on the last day of 2018 because I felt that it would be more fitting. I also wanted to take this time very quickly to say that I am doing a New Years Eve readathon again, so if you want to see my progress on that, then you can head over to my Instagram (@theoriginalbookdragon). Now let’s wind the clock back to the start of 2018…
You have been one of the worst years of my life in many ways, but you have taught me a lot and have given me the seeds to plant that will continue to grow for years to come. At the beginning of 2018 I was deeply entrenched in my depression and anxiety and I was still dealing with the very fresh diagnosis of autism. A year on, I am still in the thick of depression and I still get anxious, but I have finally got some help and I have an amazing support system that allows me to continue doing the things I want to do despite it. I have learnt a lot about my autism as well and how to handle it as well as how to handle other people’s negative reactions. I have never thought any less of myself for being autistic, but since being diagnosed, a lot has become clear that I previously thought was just me overreacting. I know why I don’t like being touched, I understand why I panic in crowds and why i do things so obsessively and have a need for everything to be perfect. I know why I don’t understand other people’s sense of humour and why I don’t easily get on with people although I still don’t understand them, I think I am getting there with at least some things. I can also now make comfortable eye contact with the large majority of people, which would previously leave my in tears and panicking if I was forced to do it. So in terms of my mental health, 2918, you’ve tested me time and time again and really dragged me through the deepest patch of mud you could find, but I have learnt from it and survived it and I’m still here and fighting.
In terms of good things that have happened this year, well despite everything I’ve just said, there were quite a few of them. The biggest one and the most important to me although it may be trivial to others is that i got to go to Dan and Phil’s Interactive Introverts stage show! I adore Dan and Phil and they have helped me through so much – I truly don’t know where I would be without them – , so getting to see them perform live on stage with 2 of my best friends was truly the best experience I’ve ever had and I will never forget a single second of it.
I also started my final year of secondary school this year, which means it was time to start applying to colleges, which I did and I am glad to say that I got into the one I wanted with flying colours. They even said that I could apply to University with the portfolio I had if only I was a little older, so you can imagine how much I was beaming! I am going to study Photography, which is one of my many creative passions and I can’t wait! I’ve also made a lot of other smaller steps towards things that I want in the future such as picking this blog back up in early 2018 and managing to keep up with it all year! Did you know I haven’t missed a single post this year? I also started my YouTube Channel, which is still a bit of a Work in Progress, but I’m proud of it non-the-less and it will definitely be a big part of my 2019. I also read over 70 books in 2018, which is a record for me and I am unbelievably proud of myself. I can’t give you an exact number just yet because I am writing this on Boxing day, which means 2018 isn’t quite over yet, but if you want to see the final number then you can check out my New Years Readathon Wrap-up on Friday. This year I have also become more confident in myself and how I look, redefined my sense of style, which has made me a little happier overall and makes me feel more confident in myself, which actually has massive impact on how I feel each day and how much I get done, so Top Tip, If you’re feeling kinda crappy, then try putting on a bomb outfit and do your hair and make-up and see if it makes you feel better. It might not work for everyone, but it has worked wonders for me! I’ve also strengthened my relationship with my family and my sister in general as well as several of my friends, which has improved my home life a lot. This year I got a new room that is designed perfectly to my tastes and I love it so much! It is the perfect space for me to work, sleep and relax, which has already improved my mental health and has helped me put together a steady routine and work flow to get things done!
Overall, I’d still say that 2018 has been one of the worst years of my life from the inside because of everything going on inside my head, but on the outside, it was a pretty darn good year and I have a feeling that this is only the beginning. Next year I want to continue to water the seeds I have planted this year and say yes to more things and live my life while still looking after myself and learning more about what I need to be happy and healthy.
(comment down below if you got that reference!)
Goodbye for now!
Over and Out