Trying Change – Chapter 4

Hello Everyone

I won’t lie. This week has been tough. It has also been fun, but there have been times when I’ve faltered. I spent the week in France and visited Disney and Paris, which were both wonderful experiences, but they put me under a lot of pressure. I was in a new place, surrounded by people who spoke a different language to me and had different ideas of normal. It was also the first family holiday I have been on since early last year, which was sort of a strange thing to do after quite a long time.

I took some great photos in Paris and had some fun at Disney, but I was still very disconnected from it. I feel like it was a dream and I wasn’t really there, which is a shame because they are both places I have wanted to go to for years now. I think I am going to take a bit of a break from travelling for now, so that I can work on myself. The next time I go somewhere I want to be fully there and not freak out over little things or cry because the food is different. I am back home now though and it is Septemeber, which means the start of the new and final school year (for me anyway). I am going to dedicate the rest of this year and 2019 to myself and to my education, so that I can get the grades I need to move on with my life and hopefully be in a better place this time next year.

Here is a short list of the things I have done this week:

• Filmed and edited a video I am proud of (It is up on my youtube channel: Samantha Drage)
• Taken time to relax on holiday instead of bringing work with me
• Went to Disney despite my anxiety around crowds
• Went to Paris and took loads of photos I am proud of
• Spent some time with my sister
• Discovered the ‘Dear Even Hansen’ soundtrack and fell in love with it

I haven’t done loads this week and it has been a pretty bad week in terms of my mental health. I have spent several evenings staring blankly at my hotel ceiling and have had several panic attacks, but I’m going to keep trying, which I guess is all I can really do.

Goodbye for now

Over and Out